Remember the first time we met … it was at that little Mexican Restaurant. I remember waiting in the parking lot for you to arrive.
From the time I first saw you, I knew you were the one. I know it hasn’t worked out as I would have planned, but when I fall asleep at night … I see you, I feel you, I taste your soft wet lips and I yearn for you.
Time has not dulled my desire for your presence, the laughter we shared and I can still feel your touch and hear your soft subtle sighs.
There is no rhyme nor reason time doesn’t tear you from my thoughts, nor the tingling my body feels when I am with you in my dreams, even if you aren’t really there.
In my dreams we are perfect. In my dreams my heart is so full of love … to the point of exploding from my chest.
But, in my dreams you are silent. My words not returned. You are just there giving me that out-of-the-corner-of-your-eye look like you always did when you were being mischievous.
Maybe in your silence I am reliving all the love I did not feel in return … the heartbreak waiting for you to initiate some kind of action on your own, without prompting … that mimicked love.
At least in my dreams, I still have you.
I am filled with an emptiness beyond being empty. I feel an unquenchable longing for your touch … a touch that fades the moment I reach out to you.
Night after night, I lay my head down to meet you again in my dreams, even though I know that even the realism of my dreams will not bring you back, but fade into the mist the moment I awake.
Why can’t I shake this unshakable feeling that you are still here. Which is the dream? Having you or losing you, or losing you again every morning when I awake.
See, here you are … but I am the only one talking. Please say something. Break the silence before it kills me.
Take my hand … closer … take it.
No, wait, don’t go yet. Please don’t disappear again.
Damn alarm clock. I was so close.
I FEEL YOU
Hi … I know you’re there.
No, I don’t have to turn over to know. I can feel your warmth, your essence … I’ve always been able to feel you and knew when something was wrong or bothering you no matter how far apart we were. Is that why you’re here? What’s wrong?
Are you going to disappear tonight or vanish when I reach out for you?
I want you to know I turned off my alarm clock so I wouldn’t be abruptly taken from you and could spend more time with you.
If you haven’t noticed during your nightly visits, your picture sits on my bedside table … along with the ring I was never able to give you. You are the first person I see in the morning, and the last person I see as I drift off to a place where you come back to me.
Hey, where did you go? Where did I go?
Wait, I know where we are. How did we get from my bed into your kitchen. Better yet, how I did I get into your house?
You still aren’t talking to me, are you?
You aren’t talking to me, but yet you stand there cooking me breakfast … I remember those times.
Yes, I remember the times you stood there, half naked, teasing me with your little gyrations and that devious smirk on your face, and somehow we never got around to eating breakfast.
I remember all the little things that made a difference in how much I loved you. I remember the way you looked at me after we made love and how all the icy walls you built seemed to melt away.
And, how you were at such ease when we went to the gardens. I made a wish at the wishing well every time we went, though you never saw me. I wished the day, and our life together would never end.
I remember the way you would cry when we would have to leave each other … and how you couldn’t wait to call me on the phone … just a block away.
Oh, how I miss the way we were when everything was going right. Why did you have to go. If ever two souls were destined to be together, it was you and I.
Wait a minute. I see that look on you face …and tears in your eyes … no wait, don’t go yet.
I must be destined to be tormented and live in anguish without you … please come back … I don’t want to wake up and you not be here.
OK, so now the phone ringing. I just want to sleep and dream … of her.
The warmth of your breath on my neck awakened me, I knew you were here.
Is there a designed method to your visits? Here, I look into your eyes, which are blue today, and it tells me there is a happiness in your soul.
Why do you haunt my dreams, knowing how much I want to gaze into your eyes, feel your lips on mine and beg to put my arms around you.
Your presence makes me think back to all we shared, and at the same time makes me yearn for more, all-knowing I can not have what I’ve wanted for so very long … you.
A lifetime with you was all I wanted … is this your way of having the say-so in it all, or is it how you make me pay for you being there and me being here.
In real life you were everything to me, every little thing about you I memorized.
But you only showed me what you wanted me to see and not everything you were. You are still doing that now, all without speaking a word.
I still see your so kissable lips, I feel the touch of your skin, even now it is still the softest I have ever felt. I hear your laugh and it makes me smile.
What is the method to this madness? You come and you go, just when I believe I can face a day all on my own.
Is this the way you make me my own slave to my heart, or is it to torment the place where I am at my weakest … in my dreams and in my heart.
Never have I felt so bound to one … never have I felt so eternally bound to one soul, so much so I give up my waking moments to meet you in my dreams.
I am a prisoner to the love we shared, each moment of it.
Why are you just laying there looking at me. I can still see the look of love in your eyes.
Why does this all seem so real … please say something, kiss me, touch me … something, anything.
Whoa, why are we at the ice cream shop? It’s too cold for ice cream.
Quit laughing … wait, a sound!
Oh, how I have missed that giggle kind of laugh … you brought a tear to my eyes.
Can we just stay here a little while … we laughed so much here. Oh, how I have missed your laugh and your laughing eyes.
But, it’s starting to get really cold in here all of a sudden, so cold. Please, let’s go back to your house and get warm again … it’s frigid in here and getting colder by the minute.
Startled awake from the cold, I put another blanket on, but I can’t go back to sleep. I reach over to the bedside table and hold her picture … it’s the best I can do.
Gosh, it sure is bright in here.
I don’t know where you are, but I can feel you. You’re so close, but why can’t I see you.
It’s getting cold, can you move a little closer to me and warm me up … please?
Ah, thank you … that feels so much better. It seems like it has been a couple of days since you last visited. I forgot to tell you last time how much I liked the new color of your hair.
Today, there isn’t much color in the room and I can’t tell what color your eyes are today. Must be because it is so bright in here.
Are we at your place or mine? There is something so different about today, it seems. I mean, I am used to you not talking by now, but my dreams are always so vivid, but not today.
Maybe it is just the warmth I feel when you are around, you know, how all my troubles disappear and you are all I see and feel.
I have still yet to figure out what keeps you here, or better yet, why you are always in my dreams … other than the overwhelming love I feel for you.
But, whatever the reason, I am glad at least I can see you here. You know, it’s been forever since I have seen your face, and I have kept on telling myself I should make it a point to see you … after all, tomorrow is promised to no one. But, I have your picture, so I look at it in my waking hours till I can see you in my dreams.
Wow, did you see that? It was a lion.
Oh, I know where we are … we’re at the zoo. Another trip down memory lane, I guess. I’d rather take this trip that be cooped up in that bright room.
We had fun that day, didn’t we?
I guess I spoke too soon … I am beginning to really dislike my room, but why is it so dim now? I would ask you to take my hand, but I’m afraid if I did that, you would disappear on me again.
But, at least I can see you now … you’re still every bit as beautiful as the day we met … and I have always been eternally grateful for every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day, that we’ve been able to spend together.
If I had just one wish, I would wish a lifetime together with you … and I don’t mean in my dreams. And, you know I have never made a secret of my feelings about spending the rest of my life with you.
I know you do kind of find it hard to believe, but you see yourself so differently than I do … you see all the flaws, I see all the beautiful imperfections about you that pulled me in and gave me the chance to love you so much.
I am so glad you came into my life. You gave me the chance to love again. I told you when we first met that you were the last person I would ever love … and you were.
Still, you have not said anything to me.
Thinking back in the reaches of his mind, he remembered something she could not resist answering to, either out of habit or because she knew how he loved to hear her say it.
You are such a baby.
“I am not a baby,” she responded in the way she always did with her put-on whiny voice, innocently looking back at him with a pouty look on her face.
What, you said something! As a tear rolled down his face, he reached out to her … she was gone.
She reached over with a tissue and wiped the tear from his eye, then took his hand.
He was startled. You are back already? I just saw you vanish. Could you dim the lights down a little bit, it’s getting bright inside here again.
I don’t know if you can hear me or not, she said … he interrupted her, of course I can, but, she continued, I just wanted you to know I have been here ever since they brought you in.
The doctors said I could be here and that you probably wouldn’t be responsive, but I could still talk to you in hopes you would wake up.
Oh, come on, I’ve been awake, been asleep and done nothing but dream of you. I’ve been talking, but you just haven’t answered.
But anyway, she said, I have never left your side. You know, we both have shared a lot of very loving moments, moments I would not change nor ever forget.
I’ve always believed we were destined for each other, we just could never get past both of us being hardheaded. I regret that, for both of us.
You were always the one person I counted on to keep me balanced … you were the only one that had the courage, belief in me and the only one who loved me enough to call me out on some of the stuff I tried to pull.
You always showed me how much you loved me with the flowers, the candy and the cards … but, I never felt I ever showed you just how much those things meant to me … I took it for granted.
Don’t you ever think for one moment that I didn’t love you, because I did. It was just hard for me to show it … I had been let down and treated so wrong by so many before I met you.
None of that seems to matter now. I just want you to know how thankful I am that you loved me. You always said, tomorrow is promised to no one, and now, I wish I had listened to you … we missed so many moments.
What?, he said. You mean to tell me I have been dreaming in my dreams, in a coma? And, you haven’t heard a thing I’ve been saying?
Baby, I hope you already knew the things I said in my dreams. It would be a tragedy if you didn’t. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you.
If all of this is true, I know why the lights are so bright now … I’m fading, aren’t I?
I will never let go of our love.
With his final breath, he squeezed her hand … a tear rolled down his face as a steady sound rang out from the machines surrounding his bed.
His final though as the light encompassed him … I will love you forever into eternity.
I will see you again … in your dreams.
I hope you have enjoyed this little journey into dreams. Yes, there was a twist in it all, but sometimes it is hard to distinguish dreams from reality … in this case, dreams within dreams within a state of conscientiousness we really know nothing about … unless you’ve been there and survived.
Dreams have a way of bringing to our conscience the things we treasure, so we can relive the experience; things we feel guilty about that we wished would have never happened; even words we wished we would have spoken, when it was already too late.
Paying attention to your dreams might even give you some insight into past decisions, or even decisions currently on your mind … maybe even making peace with past transgressions.
Yes, you can dismiss dreams as your mind playing tricks on you … even discount any lessons that can be learned within a dream … but are you sure you want to chance dismissing a valuable life lesson?
Maybe as you read this series, it is all just a dream you are having … even a dream within a dream … .
For those of you who have had such realistic dreams you thought were true, I have one question for you: how do you know what was real and what was only a dream … how do you really know?
I kind of wonder what is real sometimes myself. Until next time, if you are really reading this, find a way to shine.