Yes, impostor — we’ve all run across them — and they’re everywhere.
If you look around I am sure you know a couple of them or at least know someone who is dealing with one.
It’s unfortunate, though, especially when you are attempting to build something with someone who you believe wants the same thing out of a relationship you do … but, not all prospective relationships are created equal … neither is the brick-and-mortar morals needed to build a sound relationship.
Nothing is more demoralizing than to find out someone you’ve been trying your hardest to build a relationship with is either insincere, or worse yet, fooling you or leading you on as they look for the “greener grass.”
I’ve been on the receiving end once or twice, but at the time I really knew it all along. It only took time to realize I was being taken advantage of and that the impostor wasn’t an impostor after all, it’s just who they were as a person.
So, what can you do, right? I believe the first thing you do is make sure you know it isn’t you, but look at the shortcomings and insecurities of the person “playing you.”
At some point and time in budding relationships it is easy to discount some of the “red flags” that may go up, but when inconsistencies keep recurring, then it’s time to reassess your love interest.
No one likes to mistrust someone, yet many do not realize you just don’t start mistrusting someone all of a sudden. Mistrust is built on stories that don’t match with something previously said or done.
Mistrust is not built on leaving out details you may find out at a later time, especially details that make a difference to the party that is slighted. And, if you are substantially involved with someone and you’ve paid attention … you know what matters most to them.
With time, mistrust muddies the water. And, we all know your hands will never get clean in muddy water.
Muddy water is created by inconsistent stories, changing stories, dishonesty, dodging and dismissing questions, inability to be empathetic, lack of communication, arguments surrounding innocent questions asked, and frequently, attempting to turn the table on the aggrieved by making it about insecurity on their part in an attempt to blame it all on the aggrieved — even when presented with proof, in which case no amount of proof will ever be the truth, to them.
In reality, the aggrieved needs to realize when the behaviors continue to be an issue, it’s time to cut the cord, so to speak.
One thing that irks me, though, is for those that have been hurt to bring up any phrase that includes the word “Karma.”
I am not saying I don’t believe in Karma, what I am saying is Karma has nothing to do with people suffering bad things because of some mystical source, they suffer bad things because of their failure to admit their wrongdoings and change their behaviors.
In short, their ineptness at being a good human being will finally catch up with them without anyone wishing it upon them.
With that said, good people will always give others the benefit of the doubt — even when they really don’t merit the benefit.
What is sad is the time wasted trying to build a relationship when there is someone at the other end doing nothing but tearing it down.
Yes, there are impostors out there, and there are those being just who they are — all while exhibiting the same behaviors as the impostor. The question is, are you ready to deal with those behaviors “till death do you part?”
It is said for every person, there is a match. And, I believe that is true … but, does anyone really want a relationship without transparency, honesty, inconsistency or the feeling of waking up every morning to someone you may not know as the person you thought you were with?
I’m not sure anyone can say that is what they want.
In your romantic travels make sure you pay attention to the red flags. Make sure about what you are getting. You don’t want wonder years down the road if the person you are with just has some really big flaws, or is just an impostor.
Time is not something that can be replaced.
Question yourself, and them too, if too many things aren’t making sense. Don’t spend too much time giving too many chances before you find your way out of the darkness of doubt where you can recover from disappointment and find a way to shine.