Love and relationships are very precious and worth holding on to, but when there is a breakup or a history of bad relationships, the finger-pointing begins.
So, who’s to blame? It depends on who you ask, and there are hundreds of thousands opinions available on any given day.
What I have noticed is that many assign the blame of their relationship woes, or love failures, to one gender or the other and want to categorize each gender based on the actions of someone who committed a wrong against them.
Normally these categorizations come across as “Men who do X or Y,” or “Women that X or Y,” … all in visual format. All screaming, “I’ve been done wrong by a (man/woman),” so, beware.
Just have a look at the internet and all the quotes mentioning one gender or the other and it’s easy to see why men and women alike blame the opposite gender — it is also a reason why each gender is so distrusting to the opposite gender, or worse, shuns any potential love or relationship interest.
I, too, have probably said some of the same quotes privately to myself in the past … until I came to the realization the same quotes, if you reversed the gender, could really be said for both genders.
For instance, “Real men don’t … ” could just as easily be replaced with “Real women don’t … ,” in most cases.
My problem with these vague, but pointed, types of categorizations is they are divisive, offensive to one gender or the other and possibly speaks more to the mindset of whichever gender who’s upset or just tired of being hurt. Regardless, the trend is always pitting men and women, and vice-versa, against each other … which to me, isn’t productive or endearing to anyone.
When will we learn or discover it’s not a gender problem, it’s a people problem? Love is not the culprit, relationships are not the culprit — people are the problem, regardless of gender.
It reminds me of the statement made about guns, “Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”
Well, the same can be said about love and relationships. It’s people who kill love and it’s people who kill relationships — not specifically one gender or the other — no one gender has the power to solely kill a relationship — there is always an accomplice.
It’s not about men doing women wrong or women doing men wrong, it’s about people doing people wrong.
Understanding nothing is ever what it seems, doing someone wrong is never a gender problem, it is a problem with a person … the person just happens to be a man or a woman.
Bad decision-making, lack of trustworthiness, morals, empathy toward another, upbringing, social status, mental status and a myriad of other factors are not gender based, they are people based.
As a retired journalist and editor, I’ve learned to never skirt the obvious. So, I will state the obvious in other cases, while being respectful of the LGBT community. Men also do men wrong and women also do women wrong.
Regardless of gender, there will always be people who do people wrong, regardless of gender.
So who’s to blame?
The liar, men and women alike; the cheater, men and women alike; the serial dater, men and women alike; the emotionally unavailable, men and women alike; the user, men and women alike are the ones to blame — you get my point?
What is the common thread in love and relationships? — People. Yes, there will always be genders involved … and yes, love and relationships may not always go smoothly … and yes, when there is a break up, two people will always have a role in the breakup. It is people who will ultimately be in love or make or break a relationship.
As a final thought — I have not relied on any statistics to support my opinion, however, as a long-time sports writer I can give this advice on statistics … anyone can take statistics and make them say exactly what they want to support their view, but my favorite quote about statistics has always been, “Figures don’t lie, liars figure.”
So, while you’re out there looking for the perfect match for you, realize the person you find will not be so perfect, and being human, will have flaws, but not because of their gender, but simply because they are human.
Face it, there are people who will do wrong to everyone they come across, so be careful with your choices and always find a way to shine.