I don’t know anyone that hasn’t faced their share of obstacles in their lives and sometimes life seems like nothing more than one obstacle after another.
It can be like trying to find the way down from a steep waterfall without a rope … ending in a perilous drop to the bottom of the abyss.
Navigating obstacles can sometimes be tough and almost insurmountable, yet most persevere, regardless of the level of difficulty the obstacle presents.
Struggles are a natural part of life — it is how one handles those struggles that defines them. But, with that said, it isn’t really the obstacle that poses the biggest problem for most, rather, it’s navigating the internal minutia inside us.
Problem solving is really a pretty easy process … until our internal issues and the darkness that lies inside us creeps in.
Yes, we all have darkness inside and it isn’t the same darkness for everyone … we all have our own unique and complex list of issues that make up the dark areas of our brains and hearts.
It is those obstacles that are the most difficult to overcome.
Issues such as a turbulent or inconsistent childhoods, poor social and coping skills, past rejections, poor home life, insufficient or poor education, disabling medical or mental conditions, or an inability to maintain or establish sound relationships and a multitude of other insecurities … the list goes on forever.
Everything we experience in life affects the way we navigate life’s obstacles and manifests itself in each and every decision we make.
No, I don’t have a medical or psychology degree, but, to put it in a flattering way to myself without mentioning age … my tank is full of life experiences.
It is saddening to hear so many people say they are afraid of being in relationships or hear someone downing relationships in general. Especially when most of the time it isn’t the “relationship” they should be afraid of.
Thinking all relationships are the same … or worse, thinking a relationship will turn out like a previously failed relationship is ludicrous … unless you believe all people are the same, which puts each one of us in the same category as the one that caused the failed relationship, even the alleged aggrieved.
Wait … I feel your skepticism coming through the screen or phone. I am not talking specifically about marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends or even friends with benefits, but those are in the same category as relationships, generally speaking.
Regardless of what you may believe about relationships, each of us need them. I challenge anyone to say otherwise. Not one organism on our planet is designed to live alone or in solitude. I am sure scientists may be able to come up with something that doesn’t need a relationship with something else, but birds need insects, flowers and trees, bees need flowers and of course, birds and bees need their own kind … and so do humans.
So for argument’s sake, let’s just take my statement about organisms not being designed to be alone as true and stick with Homo sapiens, because this blog isn’t about asexual reproduction, or otherwise.
With that said, most relationship problems begin within one person … our individual selves.
We are the common denominator in every one of our relationships. If we go through friends, acquaintances, girlfriends, boyfriends — regardless of relationship type — like people go through underwear (for those that wear underwear) … the common element that remains unchanged … is us.
Without working on ourselves we are destined to repeat the same mistakes and face the same issues, all while condemning relationships as the real problem. Yet, some continue to enter into relationship after relationship without fixing their own issues and expect a different outcome. It’s just not going to happen. All that will happen is another soul or souls will fall victim to heartbreak and yet another disappointment.
When we finally come to the realization that part of the problem is with us, then and only then can we begin to address our own relationship failures.
Take caution, though, as you look inward. You may not like the truths and past feelings of hurt and disappointment; you may be tormented by finally feeling the emotional burden of your own past wrongdoings; you may even come to realize all your insecurities wallowing in the darkness of your pent-up emotions just waiting to be released … to hold you back no more.
It may not be pretty, but it will be a start.
Though it may be dark, it is in the darkness you will find the glimmer of light you need to come to grips with yourself and begin fixing your half of your relationship woes … and ultimately find a way to shine.