SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW

Just when we think we have life all figured out, someone turns around and takes a look over their shoulder one last time … and your eyes meet theirs.

From that point, there’s a choice — to take a chance, or not.

There are so many insecurities built into today’s relationships — so many wronged by the opposite sex — it’s hard to see the good girl or guy when they are standing right in front of, or behind you.

I’ve watched today’s behaviors in romance and dating, and have noticed far too many have forgotten what real romance is and only look to focus more on the aesthetic and the material parts of romance — I call it the “what’s in it for me” romance.

That reasoning probably only scratches the surface of today’s failures in relationships — in addition to everyone wanting instant love.

According to some survey’s, one in eight marriages today end in divorce, which means, if you look around in your working environment or on the streets in the town you live in — of every eight people you pass — there’s a good chance at least one has been married and divorced.

Many of those — bad divorces.

With that in mind, with each one of those eight people you pass or see at work, there is a good chance their departure from the married ranks was less than a good experience.

Breaking up or divorcing someone is never easy because there are always emotional ties and feelings that can linger.

Some memories good, some bad; most of the time it’s those bad feelings, we commonly refer to as “baggage,” that can linger for years and years.

I like to refer to that baggage, like many, as walls.

Once a wall is put up, dating or finding someone else becomes a bigger challenge, especially if there have been previous bad relationships — which means the walls were already there and are being built after each successive bad relationship.

Because these walls are mostly built on issues, or bricks, based on trust, abandonment, greed, narcissism, self-preservation and many others, tearing the walls down can become difficult, if not almost impossible.

But, it can be done — those walls can come down.

For many, the thoughts of taking the chance on another bad relationship isn’t worth the cost, but for many who yearn for companionship in today’s relationship search, it can be worse than trying to navigate a maze.

Every turn has the chance of being a dead end and time wasted. There really are no easy answers or list of what to look for in a “compatible” person — even if there were, we’d still have to navigate the maze of their baggage and our own.

Someone once asked me what was the best way to get around an issue they had with a newfound interest — a recurring problem she had with a previous relationship.

My advice, “Remember, the one who did you wrong is not the new person standing in front of you. So, just give them a chance.”

That’s still my advice.

So, what’s a guy or girl to do into today’s age where words and phrases such as “I,” “what about me,” “what’s in it for me” or “you are living in a fantasy world” or “this is today, quit living in yesterday’s romantic ways?”

Some of the first things each of us should remember is respect, honesty, loyalty, integrity, faith and the thought of a second chance go a long way and aren’t lost— and maybe go just far enough to love and to be loved.

That maybe, those things still matter to today’s society, and all of them still apply. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time to develop the things needed to create a successful relationship.

We should keep an open mind and remember — the last one who harmed you is not the next one you are looking to be with.

Most of all, we should know everyone has baggage and sometimes we have to force ourselves to remember we are not the only one who has been in bad relationships.

Don’t’ find yourself alone and in the dark just because your past creeps in and tries to destroy your happiness in the present or future.

Look past your bad memories and the darkness of your past and find a way to shine. It is there you can begin finding your own forgiveness, forgiving others and maybe finding your second chance — all just over the rainbow.

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